the evolution of Leni

The Best Me. [Project Me]

WEEK 7: The Best Me.

"I am me. Nothing more, nothing less."
-Leni

Happiness is a state of mind. Focus on the positive. Focus on the things you can change. Be the best person you can be.

Who do you aspire to be? Imagine your life the way you want it to be. Describe it in detail. What is different? Are you different? If so, how? What is stopping you from having that? Be specific and clear and add details where necessary. Make sure you are very clear about your wants and desires. Be clear and specific about differences between what you imagine and what really is. Is there something holding you back? What steps can you take to be your best?

Now, reflect on the present. Are things really that bad? Take a moment to list all of the good things in your life. The positive. How is your imagined life similar to reality? What accomplishments are you proud of? What is the best part about your current life?

Past "Project Me" weekly prompts can be found here.

Lost & Found [Project Me] ** GIVEAWAY **

WEEK 6: LOST & FOUND (AGAIN)

"Just think of how happy you would be if you lost everything you had and then got it back again."
-Anonymous

This week focus on the positive things that you already have going for you. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the stresses of life, that we take advantage of what we already have.

Why should we have to lose something to realize that we enjoy it? Take a moment to list things that you enjoy.

Why is it that the fear of losing something or actually losing it is a motivating factor?

"Be in the now. Realize the good. Embrace the positive."
-Leni

If you are passively waiting for happiness to come to you, then that is a problem. True happiness can not be bought. It is not a person or an object. You CREATE your own happiness. You DEFINE your own happiness. What makes you truly happy?

• Are you waiting for happiness to come to you?
• Do you actively pursue happiness?
• Do you control your happiness?
• How often do you experience happiness?
• How long does it usually last?
• Do you ever feel guilty for feeling happy? If so, why?
• How do you know when you are happy?

Don't forget to hold yourself accountable to your personal commitments.

Past "Project Me: The pursuit of happiness" posts can be found here.

And now for TODAY'S GIVEAWAY!

We are now at Week 6 of "Project Me". I promised you at least six weeks. Now I want you to let me know if you want me to continue with it.

Leave a comment below and let me know. As a bonus, you'll be entered to win a new journal!

One lucky person will win this beautiful journal. I apologize for the terrible pictures. It's made out of recycled materials and it has a cute floral design on the cover and on in the inside lined pages.

YOU CAN ENTER UP TO 2 TIMES:

1. Leave a comment letting me know if you want the Project Me weekly posts to continue. You can also leave any future Project Me topic suggestions that you'd like to see as well.

2. Post about this giveaway on your blog (or twitter or facebook if you don't have a blog) and then come back and leave a comment and link to let me know you blogged about it.

Rules:

You must provide a name (anonymous comments will not be counted) and email address to win. (Don't worry I don't spam or share them. It's just so that I can contact you if you win.)

Must live in US or Canada.

Entries must be received by midnight of Monday, July 13, 2009. Winner will be chosen via Random.org

Motivation & the 60 minute self check. [PROJECT ME]

Life is simple. It's people who make it complicated. You should always live with integrity and never settle for less. NEVER. No exceptions. You'd be doing yourself a disservice if you did, not to mention inhibiting real happiness. You deserve the best. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

WEEK 5: Motivation and the 60 minute self check.

Over the course of the last 4 weeks, you have created your own personal rules to live by, you have discovered more free time, you have set yourself free, and, most importantly, you have found your authentic self. The effort and work that you've put in is paying off.

This week let's focus on finding, creating and keeping your motivation.


"Speak your truth -- it will always lead you back home to yourself."
 -Barbara DeAngelis



MOTIVATION:

Feeling like you need a little motivation? Perhaps you're missing motivation entirely. Finding motivation can be difficult for some people. Here are some tips that can help:

• Use a journal or chart to track your progress. Being able to physically see the difference is motivating.
• Create an inspiration board. Fill it with pictures, colors, positive words, quotations, and anything else that inspires you. Post it somewhere that you will see it regularly.
• Take baby steps. Make a map or chart of the steps needed to complete a task or goal. Break it up into smaller bits and check them off as you complete them.
• Reward yourself along the way. You deserve praise for your hard work along the way, so find a way to reward yourself.
• Perhaps the reward system doesn't work for you. Instead, give yourself a punishment or consequences. Example: If you didn't do your workout, then you don't get that piece of cake after dinner. Just don't be too hard on yourself. Be reasonable.

Being motivated helps you stay on track. Find your motivation and you'll also find success.

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”
-Mark Victor Hansen

THE 60 MINUTE SELF CHECK:

For one day, do a self check. Pick any day this week that will work for you. Find a timer, stopwatch or alarm and set it for every 60 minutes. Check in with yourself every hour:

• Ask yourself what you have done in the last 60 minutes.
  
• Have you been true to yourself?
  
• Have you become sidetracked or derailed?
• How did motivation or lack of motivation affect the past 60 minutes of your life?
• Document when, why and how things went off track.
• Document when, why and how things worked.

It is important to realize that although things will not always go as planned, you are in control of your life and your decisions. If you find that you're sabotaging your own happiness, you need to figure out how to make it stop. Realizing what works for you and what doesn't is the first step.


FYI: THERE WILL BE ANOTHER "PROJECT ME" GIVEAWAY NEXT WEEK!

The day I met myself. [Project Me]

Those that know me well might be familiar with this story, but I'm going to tell it again because it had such a profound effect on my life. It's a true story. All of the details are real. The names are real. The feelings are real.

Years ago I met myself at a coffee shop, although, I didn't actually realize it until after. Her name was Elizabeth. She was sitting next to me journaling (doing the same thing I was doing). Somehow we ended up having a conversation. A conversation that changed my life. She was a complete stranger, but I felt so comfortable talking to her. Somehow in the 15-20 minutes that we spoke, we managed to exchange our life stories. She was young and beautiful, belly-danced for fun, journaled for at least 30 minutes a day, was optimistic and recently left an abusive relationship that she had been in for almost a decade. She literally took a small bag with a few belongings and a change of clothes, left and never looked back. [Similar to the movie "Sleeping with the enemy" except she didn't fake her death, just ran for her life.]

At the time, I was in an abusive relationship and was trying to come up with a "game plan" on how to get out safely. Due to the relationship, I had completely lost sense of who I was, had terrible self-esteem and was struggling with depression. I was young, confused and struggling with finding myself. I felt so lost.

Although I never met or spoke with Elizabeth again, she gave me the optimism and hope that I needed. It was long after that day at the coffee shop that I realized why that conversation was so important to me. She was me. She was where I was headed if I didn't change things. She was "me" ten years down the road. Not everyone gets to have an experience like that. I am thankful that she bumped into my life, even though it was so very brief. She honestly saved my life; saved me from heading down the same path. I'd like to hug her and thank her, to tell her how much she changed my life; how inspirational and motivating she was. I have faith that one day I will find her and finally be able to let her know.

WEEK 4:

Celebrate Today: The rebirth of you!

Have you lost your sense of purpose? Have you lost your zest for life? Perhaps you're just looking for more? You're always trying to do more, experiment with your life, your body, always buying new items or constantly changing your hair or furniture or even significant others in hopes of filling that void? Yet somehow, you seem to still find yourself back where you started. Instead of looking for happiness elsewhere, focus on yourself. Try looking for the missing pieces within.

I know it's cliche, but:

"Live the life you love. Love the life you live."

Give birth to yourself again. Ask yourself:

• Who am I?
• What makes me happy?
• What do I stand for? (Refer to your personal commitments that you made.)
• Am I living the life I want to live?
• How have I really been spending my time? (Refer to the time management notes you made.)
• What do I need to let go of to be free? (Refer back to your previous journal entry.)
• What is holding me back from being truly happy?

Sometimes it's hard to remember, but

"The reward IS the journey."

Reflect on your current journey through life.

• Where did you get lost along the way?
• Where did you lose your sense of self?
• How can you re-find your path?
• What makes you disconnected with yourself?
• What steps can you take to ensure that this does not happen again?
• Do you need to set up rules or boundaries?

If you take anything from this, let it be this: Forget trying to fit in. Be who you are. Being your authentic self and being loved is much more rewarding than fitting in and being loved for someone you're not.

"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."

How to let go.

Week 3 (continued):

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." - Oprah Winfrey

Maybe you have had a chance to sit down and consider all of the things that you might be holding on to, or maybe you haven't had a chance yet. Either way, I wanted to give you a few ideas and ways to help you "let go". Sometimes it's easy to pinpoint the issue, but difficult to come up with a strategy to overcome it.

Clearly it is much easier to suggest ways for an exact situation, but since everyone's situation is different, I figured that it would just be best to throw out some general ideas. [If you're struggling with a certain situation and would like some more specific links or ideas, you can always email me.]

Possibilities for situations that involve another person:

• You could sit down and have an honest conversation with that other person. (This could also be done over the phone, but in person is usually best.) Explain how you feel and what you have been keeping in/holding on to. Sometimes this is all it takes to get past it.

• Perhaps you need to own up to and apologize for something that you have done. By not apologizing, you live with the guilt.

• Does it deal with someone who has passed away? Clearly you can not have a conversation directly with this person, but you could write a letter expressing your feelings and details of the situation. You could go to the grave site or another place where you feel connected to this person and privately read your letter out loud to them. You don't know how therapeutic it will be until you do it.

• Most importantly, maybe the answer lies within you. Perhaps all you have to do is look within and forgive yourself for whatever it was. (Usually this one is the hardest to do.)

For issues that are personal and do not deal with others:

• Clearly for these issues, the "problem" and the "answer" lies within you. But it is important to realize that you are not alone. There are people around you who can help -- family, friends, God, professional help, therapists, etc., all you have to do is look. There are several different methods that you can use, you just have to figure out what works for you:

• Journaling your thoughts and struggles.

• Map it out. Literally draw out a mind map of what issues you can work on. You can then visually see what changes you can make and track your progress towards addressing those issues and setting yourself free.

• Write a letter to your future self. You can do it here and have it sent to you at a later specified date (ie. a year later). Sometimes it's motivating to see how far you have come!

• Talk it out. Sometimes it's easier to see a solution to an issue when you're not the one directly involved. Scout out a friend to confide in; the answer might just be easier than you think! After all, what are friends for anyhow?! Trust and lean on them.

• Forgive yourself. As I mentioned above, and will repeat again because it's that important, perhaps all you have to do is look within and forgive yourself for whatever it was.

• Lastly, sometimes it's helpful to do something symbolic as you let go of the past. Here are some possible ideas:

• Once you have worked through and realized your exact, concrete issues. You could then write them down with a sharpie on rocks and physically throw them into the sea/lake/forest/etc. Perhaps your struggles deal with weight gain. Consider carrying those rocks by foot in a backpack for a certain distance to the tossing site. After physically throwing your worries away, you will literally feel the weight off your shoulders. I can guarantee the walk back will feel liberating.

• Plant a tree as a symbolism of a "new start". You can bury that letter you wrote, or your journal pages (or photocopies of your journal pages) that you wrote with the tree. As the tree grows, you will be reminded of your personal growth as well. [Note: Do not us an annual plant for this process!]

• Perhaps you have been keeping some secret that, for whatever reason you can not tell a soul. Why not send it in anonymously to Post Secret? Or you could write it down on paper and burn it immediately. [Careful not to start a fire!] Perhaps it would be liberating to anonymously write your secret on a public sidewalk using sidewalk chalk?

Finally, here are some other helpful websites that you might find useful:

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Post Secret

Find a local therapist

Eating Disorders Treatment Facilities

Have a helpful link or idea? Feel free to post it in the comments section as a resource for others!

Set Yourself Free. [Project Me]

WEEK 3:

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."  -- Alan Cohen

It's time to stop carrying your baggage around with you through life. Liberate yourself. Set yourself free.

• Have you been avoiding something or someone? Is it possible that you're doing so because you're afraid?

• Perhaps you put all your attention into things you enjoy. Or you repeat the same joys over and over. Are you doing this so that you don't have to pay attention to another issue? So that you don't have to acknowledge the issue?

• Perhaps you have been holding on to a grudge or something similar. What do you gain out of keeping it? I can guarantee it's not happiness. Maybe it is time to let it go. [I will post more about "letting go" later this week.]

• What are you holding on to? What do you gain from holding on to this? What can you do to move past it? What steps can you take to set yourself free?

Either way, it's time to take a look at why you are doing the things you are doing. Dig deep. If you have a strong negative or positive reaction to an experience (any experience), then you should take the time to stop and address it. Figure out what the root of the issue is. It is only when you can figure this out, that you can address it an move past it.

Reminder: Are you continuing to be true to yourself and your personal commitments?

Time? What time! [Project Me]

"When you do everything, it's difficult to pay attention to anything."

WEEK 2:

Too busy or too distracted to pay attention? Time shouldn't be an excuse. You may live a busy life, but you can always make time. ALWAYS. Do you spend hours watching TV? Maybe you spend too much time surfing the internet? How many times do check your email, facebook, twitter, etc. each day? Perhaps you prefer to do everything yourself instead of delegating tasks to others?

I don't have a TV or internet in my apartment. Not because I can't afford the bill or because I'm cheap, but because I prefer to use the time to focus on me. I find that it is too easy for me to turn on the TV and get sucked in. I can literally watch it for hours. My solution was to get rid of it.

Consider the following questions:

• What are your time suckers?
• Are you organized or disorganized? How does this affect time?
• What will help you to become more organized?
• Who can you delegate tasks to in order to free up some more time?

Some tips and ideas:

• Consider going with out TV or internet for a day or even a week. See how much more time you have. Reflect on your experience and what you choose to do instead.
• Try turning off the radio when you drive so that you can hear yourself think.
• Still can't find an extra minute in your day? Use your "shower time" as "me time". 

Take a moment to reflect. Find that time for you. After everything that you do, you owe it to yourself!

Now, lets take a look at last week's list. This list is one of the most important lists you've ever made; it's your personal list of 30 things that you are committed to. That list embodies who you are. (It's okay if it's still a list in progress. 15 good, positive, concrete commitments is better than 30 general ones!)

Own that list. Perhaps you might even want to print out or photocopy your list to post up around your house, car, purse, work, etc. as a reminder of what you're committed to. Use it to track your progress. You could also use a daily planner, excel spreadsheet, or even a chart to help you track your progress. Sometimes it's easier to stay committed to something when other people know about it. Tell your best friend, your husband or wife, your mother or father, or post it on your blog. Accountability is key. Do what works for you.

Project Me - Week 1 **Plus a giveaway!**

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” - Oscar Wilde

It’s time to upgrade your life.

Here’s the deal. You don’t need to wait until the start of a new month, or a new week or even a new day. You don’t need to quit your job, leave your significant other, put your children up for adoption, finish school, or the like. All it takes is one commitment:

A commitment to be true to yourself. To be authentic.

Accountability is key.

WEEK 1:

Lets start things off easy. Find a piece of paper, a journal or a new text document.

Write a list of 30 things that you are committed to in this life. [Some people cringe at the word "committed" and prefer the word "passionate."]

Make each statement positive, concrete and specific.  A good test is, imagine yourself reading them to me (or someone else) can I see it in my mind?  Is it THAT clear, concrete and measurable that it is nearly visible, palpable?

Here are some bad examples:

• I am committed to being healthy.
• I am committed to eating healthy.
• I am committed to world peace.

These are not concrete. They are too vague. What does it mean [to you] to be healthy? Mental health? Spiritual health? Physical health? Is eating healthy mean eating salads or cutting out carbohydrates? What exactly is world peace? Break it down. Be very specific with each statement.


Here are some better examples:

• I am committed to working out three times a week for at least 30 minutes whether it be walking, running, weight lifting or cycling.
• I am committed to cutting out all meat from my diet and eating a strict vegetarian diet.
• I am committed to writing a letter explaining the detrimental effects of the war once a month.

See how these are more concrete and specific. They are palpable.

If you finish this (and trust me, it will be much harder than you think) go back and write "N/N" next to the things that are non-negotiable.

And now for the GIVEAWAY! 

In honor of the start of Project Me, TWO lucky winners will receive their choice of either a "balance" or "harmony" bracelet. 

YOU CAN ENTER UP TO 2 TIMES BY:

1. Leave a comment telling us 1 thing that you are committed to.

2. Post about this giveaway on your blog (or twitter or facebook if you don't have a blog) and then come back and leave a comment and link to let me know you blogged about it.

Rules:

You must provide a name (anonymous comments will not be counted) and email address to win. (Don't worry I don't spam or share them. It's just so that I can contact you if you win.)

Must live in US or Canada.

Entries must be received by midnight of Friday, June 5, 2009. Winner will be announced on Monday, June 8, 2009.

PROJECT ME: The Pursuit of Happiness

Project Me is scheduled to launch tomorrow. Before the first official post, I wanted to address some questions that I have received.


How long will it last?

Project Me will start tomorrow. On my end, I promise to have weekly “Project Me” posts for at least 6 weeks. At that point, if I get requests to continue, then I’ll keep it going.

What will I need? Will I need a journal?

You will need to write down your thoughts. If you have a journal and are not against writing in it, then I suggest that you use it. However, a journal is not mandatory. You can use scratch paper (assuming your dog wont eat it and you wont misplace it), a pocketmod, or even a notepad, word, or excel document on your computer. If you love scrapping, or have another creative means of channeling your thoughts then do that. It will require writing or typing, but how you decided to do that is up to you. Ultimately, it is all about what works for you.


Do I have to share personal things?

No. If you feel the need to share or blog or tell your friends about it then go for it. I will not twist your arm or kick you out of Project Me because you prefer to keep things to yourself. Everyone is different. Do what you are comfortable with.

Can I join even though I don't have a blog? Is this only for women? What if I am already happy?

Project Me is for everyone. You do not need to have ovaries, a blog or be unhappy to join. If you can make a commitment to be true to yourself, then you're in.